Checking In

A friend of mine mentioned to me last weekend that he thinks American women are having an identity crisis because they have so many options they have a hard time feeling fulfilled in any one choice. Now, he was saying this in regards to the “do I work or stay at home with kids” aspect, but I’m feeling it even now, in my mid 20s, kid-less and with the whole world in front of me.

I’m very close to life-collapse, and it’s solely my own doing. I thought for awhile that I needed to do a better job expending energy on only the things that matter, until I realized that there’s nothing on my list that DOESN’T matter to me. My full time job, ironman training, and social community are things that make my life mine, but they are also completely exhausting me.

Allow me to whine:
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I want to be successful at my job, and am given opportunities every day to kick butt. But I also want to be successful at Ironman, and training every morning before work and evening after work leaves me fatigued and hungry AT work, making it hard to muster the energy to deliver a superior work product.

I’m moving in exactly two weeks, and haven’t even begun to pack. And I don’t know when I will, as I’ll be out of town next weekend, and training this weekend. I’ve got book club in a month, but I haven’t finished the book from LAST month, let alone found the time to order the new one; this is made even MORE pathetic when you know that my brother actually bought me an Amazon.com Prime account and it’s not like I’m paying for shipping.

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I know that this is a temporary state – IM training will pass and be replaced with athletic training less strenuous, work will similarly ebb and flow, moving will be complete and life will feel settled again. But that’s not the point of the bigger problem: I can choose to IM train or not. I can choose a more challenging but more rewarding position at work, or not. I can get an MBA, or not. I can choose to spend weekends traveling to see my large and geographically diverse family, or not. I can say no to any and all of the wonderful options in front of me, but for now I seem to be choosing to …not.

But maybe, as it is with product development, you much successful in regards to what you DO choose to do as you are successful in regards to what you do NOT choose to do. Apple didn’t develop a PDA and a “pretty good” cell phone…they focused completely on the phone. Maybe it’s time to Microsoft Project my available life hours.

But no matter what I choose, I’m pretty sure the correct choice at this very moment is stop procrastinating and get back to work.